Do not think that only women are concerned about the relationship with the mother of a loved one: men, too, often puzzle over how to improve the relationship between mother and wife. After all, often these two women are cute separately, but for some reason, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law turn into an explosive mixture.
How to improve the relationship between mother and wife
“I recently brought my wife to the house. We live together with my parents, and my mother constantly swears with his wife, always dissatisfied with her daughter-in-law.
What she will do is not so.
Moreover, even if done according to my mother’s instructions and the method recommended by her. Will begin to alter — again not.
And in the end, they both turn to me with all their differences.
And I already begin to strain these constant petty quarrels between them, and I do not know which side I should stand on. How to be, how to improve the relationship between mother and wife?
What to do if a mother swears with his wife and how to improve the relationship between mother and wife, the psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers:
I will say right away: do not try to solve the dispute of mother and wife in terms of logic.
Because there is no logic as such in their quarrels — only emotions.
But where these emotions come from — let’s see.
Probably, your mother perceives the daughter-in-law at the level of the unconscious separation between her and others: this is our family, our relatives, and she is a stranger, a newcomer, and it means in some way hostile to us. Here is the mother swears with your wife, and you are now looking for a way to improve the relationship between mother and wife.
This is absolutely not a logical conclusion. And it does not mean at all that your wife provoked such an attitude!
Such a perception is an echo of those times when the so-called “family clan” was valued, and all those who did not belong to it were initially considered enemies.
By the way, maybe your mother was brought up herself in the family of such a warehouse: that is why she had formed such aversion to “outsiders”. And the fact that your wife cannot please her mother-in-law in any way is also natural: between us, your mother swears with your wife and seeks not to teach the daughter-in-law some household procedures, but to bluff her, intimidate, confuse her: !
Can you be considered a member of our family? You see, son, what you have taken as a clumsy wife! ”(And that’s why your mother so often calls you to the role of arbitrator).
And one more thing: in the same large family clans, the supremacy was granted to the elder until he was completely weak and would not spend his days on the stove. Then a man from the next generation got up at the helm of a large family.
And now look at the situation through your mom’s eyes: there were two hostesses in the kitchen, and what did she have to go on the stove? No, she is not yet old, she will still guide!
And the daughter-in-law, who “knows nothing,” let her know her place.
But what about you? How to improve the relationship between mother and wife? Consider at once: defiantly give in to mom and to “get rid of all household chores with their wife“ until they ask ”- is fraught.
Mom will immediately change tactics and will nag both of you, that you do not like her, they all charged her, and you yourself.
If finances or conditions allow, rent an apartment or leave. But even if there is no way to physically separate, do not despair.
In such cases, it is sometimes enough to learn to distance yourself from such a mother psychologically.
And in this case will not necessarily share the apartment. But how best to do it for you and your wife — you need to find out together with a psychologist at an individual consultation.
If mom is jealous of his wife: how to improve relationships
“I grew up without a father, so I am very attached to my mother. I recently got married, and, of course, we began to live with me: I just could not leave my mother alone. But then I regretted that I did not immediately decide to live separately.
The fact is that mom has become very strange to behave.
In particular, without any knocking, she comes to my room every morning, where I naturally sleep with my wife and wake me up: “Get up, son, honey. I made you breakfast. “I’m lying in bed with a woman, and she wakes me up like a little girl!”
And uncomfortable, and annoying, and intimate life is all awry. (For some reason, I prefer sex in the morning, and my wife too, and what kind of sex might be in this situation?)
Moreover, my mother does not want to hear me slam a lock into the door of my room — in general, at least some valve; they say that this is my apartment and I will not let it make a communal apartment!
I tried to talk to her — she invariably responded: “But I can’t do otherwise, you are my son, I love you and take care of you. “However, before my marriage, she didn’t do anything of the kind! How to be?
Maybe mom is jealous of my wife? How, then, to improve the relationship between mother and wife?
How to improve relations between mother and wife, if mother is jealous of his wife, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers:
The problem is that you are really attached to your mother. More precisely, she tied you to her.
Most likely, your mother was left alone, sacrificing her personal life «for the sake of the child.» Often so do women who find it difficult to find a common language with potential partners, to establish mutual understanding, to achieve family happiness. Therefore, they replace the married life of child rearing.
And, as a rule, they make this upbringing the meaning of their existence in general.
But time passes, the child grows, becomes an adult. However, his mother continues to educate him. After all, if this upbringing is the meaning of life, then as soon as the upbringing process is over, life has ended!
Moms do not want such a result. Sometimes men lose arms in an attempt to improve relations between mother and wife.
Therefore, their main dream, more precisely, the main task is for their child to always remain small. That is why your mother humiliates you so much: she puts you in the position of a silly baby and wants you to feel like a little child yourself.
She wakes you up just as she once came to lift you out of your children’s bed: moreover, it is only on her hand that at this moment you, an adult man, are lying naked, helpless and defenseless. Mom jealous of his wife?
It would be wrong to assume that your mother deliberately interferes with your sex life as such: yes, very many people think that, they say, the mothers of their sons are jealous of their daughters-in-law, like men. Not at all!
Moreover, mother can easily allow her son to sleep with women — as in childhood she allowed him to sleep with teddy hare and bears, because the child alone in the room is scary.
The wife of a son for such a mother is just a toy of her boy. Yes, and the family life of her son, she perceives as a game: the child will have fun, and then he will get bored, he will divorce, nothing terrible.
And the fact that she did not have such a “care” before marriage, is also explicable: at that time she did not need to humiliate you, to put in place: then you most likely were a little baby, obedient mama’s son.
And now you are married, and the wife may well remind you that you are already an adult. So mom will remind you that you are still small!
And at the same time, she will convince your wife of this: she also shows “care” for you in front of your spouse.
As for your further actions, then your desire to improve relations between mother and wife is understandable, but isn’t it time, as they say, to become a man? Start small — slam a lock into your room’s door.
Yes, it will be a tiff with the mother, yes, it will hurt her, but keep in mind that your marriage was also quite painful for her, even though she perceives it as your next fun.
And then you need to develop a strategy individually, and you should start with your relationship with your mother. In general, this situation requires a competent psychoanalyst to understand all the nuances of the relationship and develop tactics that reconcile all the conflict participants with the least injuries.