Often, jealousy acquires various features, and you are already jealous of your boyfriend, not only other female representatives, but also friends, hobbies, work. It is not surprising that sooner or later you want to understand: how to stop experiencing jealousy?
After all, you bring yourself to your thoughts about jealousy or that your chosen one does not give you full value, life becomes unbearable, and you turn into an oppressed being. You hurt and offended.
What is jealousy and how to stop being jealous of a guy — recommendations
Jealousy is an emotional state, filled with claims and dissatisfaction with a person to whom you have intimate feelings, unwillingness to share it with someone or something, a constant thirst for control over the emotions, feelings and life of your chosen one.
Sometimes jealousy and love live side by side and reinforce each other, which can lead to mutual destruction and severe emotional trauma. Women’s jealousy arises on the basis of constant comparison of themselves with the previous companions of their chosen one, they say, what if I’m worse than they, or he still loves the former.
But even if a man is simply open and sociable, jealousy can seize you headlong. Because it seems to you that with others he is more affable, smiling and “happier” than with you.
How to stop being jealous of your boyfriend:
First of all, understand that the feeling of possessiveness is peculiar to each of us. This is not a pathology of the soul and not a disease. However, it is very difficult to overcome this state and to live with it is to make yourself unhappy;
Try to calmly discuss with your man the reasons for your concern without personal insults. Explain to him why this is unpleasant for you. Do not make him make excuses for every little thing.
Give him the opportunity to speak to the end. If this person is dear to you, try to speak out delicately at his address;
Start trusting your boyfriend, especially if he did not give you a reason to think that he was deceiving you and did not deal with you treacherously earlier. Trust is a brick of stable and strong relations. Make trust mutual, because he trusts you;
You should not control his life by phone calls and letters.
This is unnecessary and can only cause irritation of your loved one, sometimes putting it in an awkward situation in front of colleagues and friends;
So that there is no place for jealousy, start your own life. Try to be independent of your chosen one.
Leisure, hobbies and communication with new people will bring a stream of diversity into your life, and it will not be fixated only on everyday life and your relationship.
How to stop being jealous of a guy for his ex
Jealousy is not a positive feeling, which can sometimes destroy relationships and lead to the divorce of spouses. Sometimes jealousy in certain doses can ignite the fading love between spouses.
But in general, jealousy — the lot of the weak and insecure, as well as those who doubt the loyalty of the partner individuals.
If you notice that you are jealous of your man to the ex-girlfriend, as he recalls her often enough in stories, then first of all you need to take control of your emotions. For starters, take a look at your sweetheart.
If he remembers the former with tenderness and sadness, then this is one thing.
But he can also speak of her as an element of his past life.
Then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Every person has his past, without which there is no future.
If your chosen one really longs for the former, then you need to think about why. No need to get excited.
First, do not doubt yourself, in your beauty, erudition, loyalty to your man. If he is with you, then you have attracted him with something. Maybe you have unique qualities of empathy and support of people or other qualities that were not in his ex.
He will hide a lot to avoid proceedings with you at home.
Jealousy is expressed in the fear of losing a partner and losing power over him. Many women are afraid that her husband will return to the former.
This fear is most often justified by dependence on one’s loved one in a material and spiritual sense.
But if you find yourself a hobby, hobbies, splash out your creative endeavors, find a job or a part-time job for yourself, then you simply will not have time to be jealous of his ex, cheat yourself and conjecture something.
These actions should add to your confidence that you will be in demand at work and as an individual.
If you feel that your jealousy passes all bounds, then you need to seek help from a specialist, and not fight it alone. Moreover, most often female jealousy has no basis and is caused solely by attachment to a partner and the fear that he may be interested in someone else besides you.
This can be detrimental to your relationship with a man.
How to stop being jealous: the advice of a psychologist
“It seems to me that I am painfully jealous of my boyfriend. We have been together for 7 years.
A year ago, we parted, were going to file for divorce. But he returned a month later with the words: “I need you. I love you».
I know that at this time he had another woman. It appeared after a while.
After that, we were treated for a sexually transmitted disease. I was able to forgive.
But now I’m just going crazy, I’m afraid of repetition. I know that I interrogate him by interrogation: where I was, with whom, what I did, I represent him with other women.
I’m tired, but it’s hard for me to get rid of it. How to stop being jealous? ”Sabina Denisevich.
How to stop being jealous, says Elena Poryvaeva, a psychologist:
«Perhaps your jealousy is really far-fetched and painful. Moreover, forgive me, but it seems that you are almost proud of your illness — in any case, this fact is pleasant to you because you can now puncture the guy with something .
It seems like the transferred illness gives you the right to say to him: “Well, you once infected me once, now please report where you were and what you did!” It is not surprising that even through force, he will still go to the side of such a “pilage”.
You ask — how to get rid of jealousy? But maybe you just manifest a desire to command.
And you invent a reason for jealousy to make him justify what has never happened. In the end, the other woman was already after you broke up, and then he returned to you anyway!
So if you want to live happily with your husband, get, for example, a dog, so that you can command someone other than your spouse.
And if it is your husband who needs to twirl and force him to give you a report in everything, then please note that you can hardly expect a long happy family life here!
“How can I stop being jealous of a boyfriend of an ex-girlfriend? They have a rather warm relationship, they call each other regularly and sometimes meet, in a friendly way. If I openly, hostilely jealous, he will just quietly communicate with her, hide, I think.
I do not consider myself worse than her, but. How to behave, advise!
And how to distract, not to torment yourself? Victoria Panko. «
How not to be jealous of her boyfriend to the former, Elena Poryvaeva, a psychologist, answers:
Why do you need to be jealous at once? Jealousy of your boyfriend to the ex-girlfriend is definitely not worth it, but you have the right to ask some questions and get answers to them.
And consider it not jealous of the ex-girlfriend, but normal female suspicion. And about her you can tell your boyfriend in a calm form: “I completely trust you.
I believe you love me. But to her — I do not believe.
I do not believe that she will not want a second chance. ”
Do you want to check out what your boyfriend really thinks about friendship with “ex”? Hire a man who will call you in the evening and talk with you. Claim him as your old friend, with whom you had a stormy, but short romance, so you did not talk about him earlier.
But you broke up friends. And just recently met, sat in a cafe, chatted (pre-arrange an alibi, so that your boyfriend could not catch you in a lie). It turned out that you have common interests, purely friendly ones (for example, you are both interested in breeding cacti).
And purely in friendship, you began to communicate again. You meet with him once a week in order to discuss your new ideas. No more.
And if your boyfriend objected, make surprised eyes and say: “You don’t trust me? But I do not interfere with your friendship with an ex-girlfriend! ”Just remember, everything should be played out, as if by notes.
And believe me, nothing teaches us better than our own bitter experience.
Well, if your boyfriend deems normal your friendly communication with a man with whom you had an affair before him, then. Either he has long decided everything is not in your favor (and even will be happy if you give a reason), either. look, where his back does not itch?
Maybe the wings are already cutting. Maybe he really thinks that his relationship with the former is friendly.
But on her account, I would not be particularly mistaken.
But in general, about the guy too. You can communicate with your ex without a massacre and mutual recriminations, you can even smile at each other nicely at random meetings.
But if sensual relationships are complete, then communication will be absolutely formal, well, there, hello, how are you.
“I can’t stop being jealous of a guy. I am a jealous husband for the past. We are married for half a year.
I am happy in marriage, we have a wonderful, trusting relationship, I do not doubt his love and that he loves me more than anyone ever. My husband had many women before me, but he loved only one, so I was jealous of her.
They lived together for 2 years, they had a difficult relationship, and he threw her away, but that’s not easier for me.
It turns into mania, I remember this girl almost every day. And I can not suppress a jealousy of the past husband.
The fact that I fell in love with my husband as he is with his past, otherwise it would not be him, does not reassure me. By the way, before the meeting with my husband, I myself also had serious novels, which remained safely in the past.
They say to me: “He is not your property, he is a person, a person. There was someone who was not — it’s not yours.
But everything from meeting with you and further is yours. ” This is true? In general, maybe I should go to a specialist?
How to stop being jealous of his past, answers Elena Poryvaeva, a psychologist:
First, it is impossible to “suppress” any unconscious feelings: it is the same as winding the safety valve of a steam boiler with a wire. Someday this «construction» will explode.
Secondly, even after marriage registration, a person does not become your property! Moreover, with trusting marital relations, even what everyone had in the past becomes a common cause of each other — only this is material for a better mutual understanding, and not for jealousy.
Thirdly, the fact that you fell in love with him precisely this way should not at all “calm” — this is just a logical commentary on the situation. And no wonder that logic does not act on you, because your jealousy is caused by emotions.
Fourthly, in your letter there is also disagreement with logic, in particular, you express two mutually exclusive premises: “I have no doubt in his love” and “I can’t get rid of jealousy of his past”. In general, in fact, jealous of a guy for the past is, first of all, unconscious doubts about his present, true love for you!
That is, no matter how you talk about your beautiful trusting relationships (perhaps, convincing yourself about this first of all), there is probably some kind of hidden worm in these relationships. Therefore, to turn to a specialist should then, to find out what bothers you.