What is child negativity?
From the definition in the dictionary “children’s negativity” — means the kind of psychological protest against the demands of adults, with which he wants to defend the rights of his personality. I mean, this is your child’s first application “I don’t want!”, “I won’t!”, Which is repeated with enviable constancy (which causes a variety of emotions from parents, from misunderstanding and frenzy to screams and slaps on the pope), to a request or request , which previously did not cause any difficulties.
Children’s negativity can be attributed to the components of the crisis of three years.
When to wait for the «first bells»?
Young parents face manifestations of child negativity when the child is 2.5 — 3 years old. And in the life of parents comes the phase when everything previously familiar and loved by the child becomes undesirable. What happens to the baby?
Many do not understand this and are frightened, beginning furiously to prove to the small “nechochuha” “who is in the house of the hazyain,” whether it be slaps or shouts.
In fact, in the life of every child there comes a period of personal development, self-awareness as a separate “me” from mom and dad.
But how can this prove to the little man in practice, when all the important questions for him are solved by the parents? Hence the appearance of the first «no!».
For a beginner to know all the delights of this world of creation, the first protest is a way to express one’s point of view, which is not at all similar to the imposed, already familiar one.
Is it really awful to hear a constant “no” from a baby?
Negativism is a form of protest, peculiar to the normal process of developing a healthy child. This psychological stage of the formation of a new person is just as important as the stage of physical development, for example, the first independent steps. Therefore, you should not get upset and panic to your parents, but just make changes and adjustments in your behavior and relationships with your child.
Any caring and understanding parent will rejoice when he heard the first and repeated “NO!”, But you cannot relax too, because your relationship with him — “cooperation” or “enmity” depends on how you act in a particular situation.
Phases child «I do not want!», «I will not!»
Like any normal process in the development of a new person, children’s negativity has its own timeframe, or, in other words, a phase.
Phase one. It appears in children in the period from 18 months (all very individually) and further, and lasts up to about three years (here, too, everything is purely individual). At this stage, the child gets acquainted with new, completely unfamiliar previously, sensations and emotions, such as anger, aggression, which follow the refusal of coercion by the mother or father, for example, bathing, dressing or eating.
He will cope himself, in this case, is a huge problem, because he, elementary, does not know how to curb these emotions. From here, there is also uncontrollability over the child, and wild cries of the little “tomboy” because of various trifles, as it seems to us.
Special exacerbation may occur if the child is sick or hungry.
It must be remembered that you can’t forbid yourself to do that, but “indulging” can only aggravate the situation. How to act specifically in a certain situation, we consider a little later.
Phase two. Characterized by the appearance of children about the 4th year of life and lasts up to 6 years.
What distinguishes it from the first phase? The physical manifestation of emotions and negativity goes into the background, and verbal — takes the leading place.
The child flatly refuses to perform any action that he performed before without difficulties; pretends not to hear, or, on the contrary, returns to an already exhausted topic anew and again.
You should not take this behavior as an attempt to «annoy» you or annoy. It is quite normal, it is enough to switch the child’s attention to something new, to interest, for example, a new toy or reading a new verse.
But, by no means, not by physical violence — it will only “close” the little man and cause the ground for mistrust.
First of all, it is necessary to clearly define the boundaries of the behavior of the offspring. Know that “permissiveness” generates only negative qualities in the child’s psyche.
The little man is testing the world for strength, including you, because you are its component.
It is vital for him to know the boundaries of what is possible and what is impossible and why — this gives him confidence in you, as he can rely on you and rely on in any situation.
It is very important that your every «impossible» was accompanied by an alternative «can» and a clear explanation, for example, «it can be dangerous for your life» and so on.
For example, you are too small to cross the road yourself, but you are old enough to decide which sweater you wear today, red or green.
Secondly, follow the sequence of your words and actions. If we have already banned “no sweets” today, for example, then you can’t think again.
Otherwise, the child will easily begin to manipulate you.
It is important that the requirements for the child are the same on the part of all family members, and if there are bans, then compliance with them by everyone who is related to the child is extremely necessary. So that there is no “mom is bad because it prohibits, I’d better go to my dad — he will allow it”.
Such behavior entails many psychological problems in the future.
Thirdly, If possible, observe the daily regimen. Traditional actions and manipulations cause a sense of stability in children, and, therefore, a sense of security.
And fourth, which is very important, approve and praise the child for even the smallest, but positive actions, and ignore the negative ones. Checking the world and you for strength, he can look for new methods of influence on you, if he suspects and sees, even a drop for doubt of your determination, and he can put pressure on this “drop” to achieve his goal.
Be tolerant and loving, heart and intuition will tell you exactly how to act in a particular situation. Do not forget that your child is a reflection of family relationships.
Happy parents are watching happy kids!