How to communicate and make friends with a friend who has laid eyes on your young man, borrows and does not consider it necessary to give, or always runs to her with her problems, without even asking how you are doing? A good and practical advice of a psychologist will help you to find out and find the right way out of such a life situation.
Female friendship always causes distrust in men. Even the famous parable about the snake and the turtle is a confirmation of this. The snake, being on the back of a tortoise, thinks: «I will bite — throw off», and at this very moment the tortoise: «I will throw off — it will bite.»
It follows from this that this is not friendship at all, but concern only for oneself, but let us hope that this story is not about you. In life, it is very important to have the shoulder of a friend, but not to cry on him, but for a feeling of support and understanding.
It is impossible to conclude a contract with friendship, having assured the seal, it is checked for years and is based on trust and understanding, where there is no place for treason. This can last for a lot of time, unlike some relationships with men.
Not everyone can say that he has such a girlfriend or has a simple friendly relationship for friendship, which can lead to unjustified expectations and disappointments. But from each seemingly unresolved problem, one can always find a way out.
1. Saying no is not an insult.
If your girlfriend, having borrowed from you, is not interested in whether you need money, then it is worth her saying so carefully.
Do you think that if she refuses her money, she will be offended? So this is not a real girlfriend.
Money and friendship is a discrepancy between the two worlds and it is desirable that financial issues do not concern friendship, since money is not the main thing, but not a secondary place in life. But in the event that you decide to lend money — make a supporting document, which will be the deadlines for return in the presence of witnesses (sister, husband).
2. Manipulation is not for you.
If your girlfriend has problems and she wants to hang them up for the main part, do not let her do it, give her the opportunity to find a way out of the current situation, and in this your help will be the most important and decisive.
She will never be able to cope with problems on her own if you allow her to manipulate herself.
Your actions can make it difficult for your girlfriend to overcome life’s difficulties, which is very important when gaining experience. Friendship and manipulation are two different things and if this is a real friend, she will understand and appreciate.
3. Set boundaries
A friend, not having a family, wants to dissolve in your family, while passing all the permitted limits? It requires increased attention, and you are afraid to admit that you want to be with your family?
Stop, think about whether it goes beyond the boundaries of friendship.
Ask yourself if you want to cover all the free space of a friend who is angry and demands it. Let her do it or set boundaries?
Friendship should not become addicted.
Girlfriend behaves in your home is very unleashed and without permission examines everything that she wants? Explain your position to her.
You do not need to bring yourself to internal rabies, you just have to talk with your girlfriend and explain her position to her, that there are certain limits of decency that you respect, and your girlfriend should accordingly accept it.
5. Trust is not always appropriate.
Walking around, husband alone with a girlfriend and it makes you doubt? Change the situation — separate the friendship from the family.
Your subconscious is afraid to leave you alone with your husband, and therefore you are looking for help in the presence of your girlfriend. Seek advice from a psychologist and learn to enjoy socializing with your beloved man without any help.
6. Humiliation unacceptable to you.
Hurtful words from the lips of a friend are not always relevant. Basically, a friend can do this for her own self-assertion, without worrying about your feelings, thereby lowering your self-esteem and forming an inferiority complex.
This is not a friendly relationship at all, and if you understand this, then defend yourself in front of your friend and let you shape your character so that you have nothing to reproach or humiliate.
Analyze your friendship and find out if this friendship gives you pleasure. Do you feel comfortable with such a girlfriend, or vice versa, and do not be afraid to admit this to yourself.
You still have to make a choice that will remove the heavy burden of your soul from your shoulders.